2016 Power Rankings-Week 10
Introduction I've created a monster, 'cause nobody wants to see Matty no more they want rankings I'm chopped liver. Well if you want rankings, this is what I'll give ya, An Eminem theme mixed with some hard liquor. Some graphs that'll jumpstart trash talk quicker Than a shock when I get shocked in the post-season By P9 when I'm not cooperating When I'm benching my win while he's operating HEY You waited this long now stop debating 'cause I'm back, I'm 7-2 and ovulating. I know that you got a job Ms. Dee but your boyfriends ego is irritating. So momma won't get to see win 3 and Shotti gunna finish like 10-3, Almost got shut out playing MVP and it's not lookin good for Papa's Posse. So come on Dab, bench Tree to the Crab, fuck that, drop that scab there's Blake Bortles to grab And start shootin, 'cause this shit's about to get movin' I think Jar Jar peeled Eggplant, FUCK CAM NEWTON! ELECTION 2016 It truly is beautiful that we live in a democracy where our first black Head of State is soon to be replaced by our first crackhead of State. The voices were heard last night. Well, sort of. The popular vote went to Clinton, but winning the popular vote is sort of like the Lions winning four pre-season games the season they went 0-16. The electoral votes is where it's at and the voices in the swing states were really heard! And the voices said "y'all voted fer Trump, right? Right on, let's shoot sumthin! Lookee der, a pussy cat! GRAB IT DANNY, GRAB IT!" And the Clinton supporters responded by crying into their pumpkin spice lattes and complaining about how unfair the world is while living off their daddy's money and our tax dollars in San Francisco, just like they do every other day. But whether you supported Trump or supported Clinton, let's agree on this: no one cares what you think, especially on Facebook. In truth, no one knows what to expect from POTUS45, and not just because 9 of the ten least educated states voted republican and therefore couldn't even tell you what POTUS stands for. No, we don't know because candidates say and do whatever they think will mobilize their voters. For Clinton, that was to use big words and try to come off as the "hip, smart" candidate. Unfortunately for her, smart isn't very hip and when she was being hip she looked dumb. For Trump, the strategy was to use the same tiny words over and over again and hope no one noticed. And they didn't! Look, there is no question Trump is less qualified than Clinton. But what Trump has that Clinton doesn't is a penis. That has to count for something, right? It certainly did among white voters with penises. At the end of the day, people wanted change eight years ago and got Obama. Now the people who were pissed we got Obama have rallied and given us Trump. Let's agree to disagree on whether this will trigger nuclear apocalypse, or whether Trump will build a 5,525 mile wall and go all Chuck Norris on ISIS's ass. We are one nation, under "God," divided in half, with liberty and justice for all who are not Syrian refugees. Let's stick together (unless you're gay, then you can get the hell out, queer!). And with that I think we can begin to put this election behind us and start to move on to what really matters: stopping The Shotti Bunch. If you feel inclined to argue with someone about politics, try to at least respect other people's beliefs and opinions and understand that they are probably partially right and partially wrong just like you. Everybody love everybody. This league is a safe space, unless you're momma and then it's a very unsafe place. Trade Deadline First and last reminder that November 12 is the trade deadline. Best Day EVER! Do you always feel like you are catching every team during their best week? Well I have news for you: you’re probably not. There are 65 games played a season and everyone can only have their best game once. But if I’ve learned anything about fantasy it’s that it’s easier to complain than accept defeat, so here is some complaint ammo. Teams listed on the top are the opponents. A “B” indicates you played that team during their best week. A “W” indicates you played that team during their worst week. Interesting to note that first place Shotti Bunch has seen three teams at their best and none at their worst, while second place GBM has seen three teams at their worst and none at their best. Might be worth noting in GBM’s defense that Peeled Eggplant’s worst game also came the same week as GBM’s best game. I’ll update weekly. Trade Tracker Trade tracker is keeping us apprised of the ramifications of the trade between Paddock 9 and MMMS. In the first and third columns, the points scored by traded players in starting lineups (if they are benched, those points are not tallied). Per player average took the total points and divided by the total number of starts so far. For example, P9 has started Denver D twice and Landry once, so three starts total. Thus the per player average is 65.60 divided by 3. MMMS has gotten five starts out of the four acquired players. Stat Notes * MVP becomes the first team to reach 16,000 regular season points scored. * GBM becomes the fifth team to 15,000 regular season points scored. * Papa’s Posse becomes the 7th team to 14,000 regular season points scored. * The Shotti Bunch passes Paddock 9 for 6th all-time in combined points scored. This is scary impressive. * GBM clinches their second consecutive winning season and their fourth in six years. * TSB clinches a league-record fifth consecutive winning season * GBM becomes the third team to hit 15,000 points scored against. P9 becomes the fourth. * The Shotti Bunch becomes the fourth team and second fastest team to reach 40 regular season wins. They lag three games behind MVP for fastest to forty but have a solid chance at outpacing them to fifty (tune in next season). Power Spankings This week we add several new stat catagories: * TPS - Total Points Scored (bench plus starters) * APT - Record Against Playoffs Teams * GOT - Games over 200 points * Magic Number - Total number of either wins by you or losses by the 7th place team in order to clinch a playoff spot ---- 1(1). The Shotti Bunch Magic Number - 2 Clinching Scenario - Clinches playoff berth with a win and losses by any two of the following teams: Papa’s Posse, Deez Sons of Bitchez, JarJar Stinks. Bench Points - 0 TPS - 276.08 APT - 3-1 GOT - 9 2015 Week 10 Ranking - 4 Applicable Eminem Song Title - Legacy Applicable Eminem Lyric - “Nobody’s crazy as Shotti in an eighty million mile radius/He’s what Tom Brady is to the Patriot’s to this league/not a man he’s a weapon.” - Baby TSB’s art is fantasy, and this week he painted another masterpiece. All week the buzz was whether TSB had what it took to get it done with Brady, Miller, Green, Arizona Defense, Matt Jones, Martellus Bennett and Chris Hogan and his kicker all on the bye. In response to the crisis, Shotti flushed out his bench to make way for Joe Flacco and Baltimore defense. Baltimore scored 37 points and Flacco held his own with 28.49. However, Shotti’s finest hour was how he responded to Matt Bryant proving the value of the kicker position on Thursday Night. Shotti pulled the trigger just after 6pm on Sunday, grabbing Janikowski and adding an important 15 points to his score. At the end of the day, TSB ended with the highest score of the week. Gordon, who was an afterthought to start the year, is averaging 5.6 yards per carry his last two games. He has 11 offensive TDs already this season, 11 more than in 2015. Finally, I have no fluid way to work this in but feel the desire to ask will the real Slim Shotti please stand up? ---- 2(4). Garoppoblow Me Magic Number - 2 Clinching Scenario - Clinches playoff berth with a win and losses by any two of the following teams: Papa’s Posse, Deez Sons of Bitchez, RIPDab. Bench Points - 79.55 TPS - 304.57 APT - 4-2 GOT - 6 2015 Week 10 Ranking - 1 Applicable Eminem Song Title - Say What You Say Applicable Eminem Lyric - “I’m back with a vengeance, homie, momma keep your head up/ Eggplant keep your head up, Papa keep your head up/don’t let up, just keep slayin ‘em/RIP to Dab and them/’Cause I know what it’s like/I struggled with this shit for two years and um..” - Talkin’ 2 Myself The Fantasy Bench is a strange place. Those guys are on your team so you think they’re at least good enough to stash. But if they are on your bench, and presumably not on a bye, you didn’t think they were good enough to start. You want them to do well, but you don’t want them to do so well that you kick yourself for not starting them. Whether you want to admit it or not, this ultimately leads to you rooting against your own team. This has been a problem for GBM all season. The benched players have overachieved multiple times, especially in the last two weeks. Murray put up 40.57 more than his substitute Smith and last week Crowder posted 28.8 more than his sub Doyle. These are cute problems to have when you’re 7-2 and headed to the playoffs, but devastating issues when they occur in a win or go home game come December. GBM will have to figure his shit out if he’s going to clinch the bye and make a run. GBM spent two long years at the bottom, and bad decision making played a part in that. Those two long years seemingly overshadow the fact that they are about to make their fourth playoff appearance, trailing only The Shotti Bunch and MVP for most all-time. Now that GBM is back at the top of their game, they are out to prove people wrong. Say what you say about this team, but all they do is win. ---- 3(5). Paddock 9 Magic Number - 4 Clinching Scenario - None Bench Points - 19.73 TPS - 218.82 APT - 4-3 GOT - 5 2015 Week 10 Ranking - 9 Applicable Eminem Song title - So Much Better Applicable Eminem Lyrics - “This is for every time you took my orange juice/Or stole my win on Monday Night/and drank my chocolate milk/Every time you ranked me last and every season you’ve killed/I’m getting you back, bullies, now that I’m finally good.” - Brain Damage The only blemish this week was P9 becoming the latest victim of Sammy Coates. The ultimate boom or bust, Coates is a TD dependent waste of space (until week 10 when he scores 30 fantasy points as a free agent). There is no doubt that Paddock 9 is So Much Better than in prior years. Now he is on a warpath and shows no signs of slowing up. In the last four games he is undefeated against four playoff teams, including two he had never before beaten and two prior champions. P9 has gone through on and off field issues this season, making him a prime candidate for a 30 for 30 if he is able to pull off a championship victory. Similar to the Patriots in 2001, no one is expecting Paddock to win so they really have nothing to lose. This is a very dangerous team moving forward. Now that the Paddock gates have been opened, the entire league is being put on notice. You know what they say: Revenge is a dish best served prehistoric. ---- 4(2). HELLEVATOR MVP Magic Number - 4 Clinching Scenario - None Bench Points - 23.74 TPS - 221.34 APT - 3-2 GOT - 6 2015 Week 10 Ranking - 5 Applicable Eminem Song Title - Elevator Applicable Eminem Lyric - “Dale Earnhardt of this league, call me NASCAR, NASCAR/Kneel before Denver D, this team’s Krypton; no, Asgard, Asgard.” - Rap God MVP had a tough decision this week. Does he start Carr, coming off an all-time great game last week and facing a Denver defense without its two top corners, or does he start Big Ben coming back two weeks earlier than expected from injury? In the end it was Roethlisberger getting the nod. Honestly, it seemed early like Carr should have gotten the start, but Big Ben’s fourth quarter and Oakland’s big day on the ground proved otherwise. Unfortunately for MVP, the hellevator stopped two points shy of the top this week. Late Sunday night Carr took a few harmless kneel downs to end the game. MVP went to sleep with a comfortable one point lead only to wake up and see that Denver had been given extra points. WHAT THE WHAT? Yes, it turns out that Carr kneeled his offense back below 400 total yards gained, which added points to P9’s score. Maybe this was a little bit of revenge for MVP benching him??? There is also a question over whether kneel downs counted as TFL. I can’t say either way except on stat tracker 3 TFL’s were not counted, whereas on the league matchup page they are. So who knows. Has anyone ever lost a game in this league because of a kneeldown? MVP has been downgraded from half back to quarterback. ---- 5(3). RIPDab Magic Number - 5 Clinching Scenario - None Bench Points - 0.00 TPS - 198.61 APT - 1-3 GOT - 5 2015 Week 10 Ranking - 3 Applicable Eminem Song Title - Brainless Applicable Eminem Lyric - “Twitter fingers are sweaty, team’s weak, excuses heavy/there’s vomit on his sweater already, Chantel’s spaghetti.” - Lose Yourself Pretty bizarre that the self-proclaimed best team has five losses against the third easiest schedule in the league, including three losses against playoff teams. Maybe RIP started to get just a little too cocky before and during this one. They sure have been chirping GBM a lot this season, and the Fantasy Gods take notice. It’s cute because as many words as there are in that text, that’s how many points Crabtree scored. Over 80% of Daily Fantasy rosters started Charzardric West this weekend, making him a chalk pick at RB. So starting West in a flex over now released Mike Wallace seemed like a good idea at the time until Wallace scored more on one play than West has scored his last six weeks combined. And what was RIP thinking picking up Atlanta defense? In week 1 they scored just 6 fantasy points against this same Tampa Bay team, and this time they were IN Tampa! After Dab picked up ATL (19 FPS), MVP picked up San Diego (21 FPS), momma picked up Carolina (33 FPS), and Shotti picked up Baltimore (37 FPS). There were ten free agent defenses that outscored Atlanta, so when you factor in the three defenses picked up after RIP picked up Atlanta you see that 13 of the 16 available defenses would have been a smarter add than Atlanta. Fantasy genius like you read about. Oh and not for nothing but Blake Bortles outscored Dak Prescott. ---- 6(7). Jar Jar Stinks Magic Number - 5 Clinching Scenario - None Bench Points - 80.18 TPS - 272.90 APT - 1-4 GOT - 5 2015 Week 10 Ranking - 7 Applicable Eminem Song Title - You’re Never Over Applicable Eminem Lyric - “I wanted a roster so bad nobody would touch it/Auto-drafted my team and just said fuck it.” - Still Don’t Give a Fuck Jar Jar isn’t going quietly into the night. They are playing the game of “beat the bad teams,” a necessary strategy for bubble units late in the season. JJ capitalized on another poor performance from Peeled Eggplant. When you think JJ is over, they pull off another victory and stay in the race. Keeping them afloat is the increasingly wow-worthy play of Beckham and Mike Evans. In the wrong hands, these two guys could be very dangerous. I’d hate to go up against them in the opening round of the playoffs. But JJ has a long way to go before thinking playoffs. They face the commish in week 10, whom they have never beaten. This is the second year in a row that JJ has autodrafted his team and has held his own so far in both, though we haven't seen the type of breakout year that non-autodrafted teams like Paddock 9 and GBM have experienced these last two years. It remains to be seen what damage can be done when an auto-draft reaches playoffs as this has never been accomplished. I'll be curious to watch the race for the 6 seed moving forward. ---- 7(6). Papa’s Posse Bench Points - 0.00 TPS - 178.35 APT - 2-4 GOT - 5 2015 Week 10 Ranking - 8 Applicable Eminem Song Title - Same Song and Dance Applicable Eminem Lyric - “There’s really nothing else to say/I can’t explain it/(I think Papa’s Posse’s gone crazy!)/A little help from Darren Sproles; won’t you tell ‘em, Baby?/(I think Papa’s Posse’s gone crazy!)/There’s nothing Blount could do or say that could ever change me/(I think Papa’s Posse’s gone crazy!)/There’s no one on Earth that can save me;not even Gurley (I think Papa’s Posse’s gone crazy!)” - My Dad’s Gone Crazy Another season, another push for the six seed late. Same Song and Dance indeed for the Posse. Despite being tied for a playoff spot, they do not currently have the point advantage they need to be on the right side of the fence. Gurley is the latest example of why drafting an RB in the first round is risky business. Gurley has now gone three straight games under 60 yards rushing with no TDs. He averaged 4.8 yards per carry last season compared to 3.1 so far in 2016. What is Gurley’s problem? Part of the fault lies with the Rams organization, which has assembled one of the league’s worst offensive lines. The other part is underutilization. Gurley had just twelve rushing attempts against Carolina. TWELVE! Compare that to 46 pass attempts for Case Keenum. The team was only down three points! In more positive RB news, HC Doug Pederson has named Darren Sproles the number one RB in Philly. Remember that time Dee trashed Sproles? Maybe Dee should draft Sproles next season instead of Jamaal no-knees Charles. ---- 8(10). Deez Sons of Bitchez Bench Points - 27.10 TPS - 242.92 APT - 2-4 GOT - 5 2015 Week 10 Ranking - 6 Applicable Eminem Song Title - Puke Applicable Eminem Lyric - “Fuck winning/I feel like I play for the Saints/I just want to hurt you - aim for last place.” - Evil Twin As painful as that losing streak was, Dee has to be feeling pretty good at 4-5. Here is a team that spiraled uncontrollably for over a month and yet they are tied for fifth with RIPDab, which if you recall is supposedly the best team in the league. Drew Brees came into the game having gone 41 straight games with over 200 yards passing. All he did was put up 41 points in a demolition of the 49ers to make it 42 straight games. A lot of 40’s for Mr. Brees. Still, with just days left until the trade deadline the window of opportunity for Dee to offload some of her Saints is quickly closing. ---- 9(8). Peeled Eggplant Bench Points - 0 TPS - 131.24 APT - 2-3 GOT - 5 2015 Week 10 Ranking - 10 Applicable Eminem Song Title - Careful What You Wish For Applicable Eminem Lyric - “How Come/Cam don’t even score no more/And he don’t run the ball no more?/Brown don’t barely touch the ball at all/And I don’t even field a good team when I play no more.” - How Come At the start of the year Cam Newton and Antonio Brown looked to be the kind of dynamic duo that could propel even a mediocre team to a top playoff seeding. But be careful what you wish for. Injuries to both Newton and Big Ben have brought down point totals for both players, but it may be time to call Newton’s MVP season a fluke. In his first four seasons Newton averaged 21 passing TDs and 8 rushing a season. This season Newton, who has thrown for two TDs in a game just twice so far this year, is on pace for 19 TDs passing and 6 rushing. Those numbers are significantly closer to his yearly average than to the 35 passing and 10 rushing he put up in 2015. With Peeled’s season quickly coming undone I’m waiting anxiously for him to pick up the Lambeau Field squirrel and try to trade him to me for Gronk. ---- 10(9). Ma ma momma said Bench Points - 40.78 TPS - 263.83 APT - 1-6 GOT - 4 2015 Week 10 Ranking - 2 Applicable Eminem Title - Rock Bottom Applicable Eminem Lyric - “My season is full of empty promises and broken dreams/I’m hoping things look up, but there ain’t no free agent offerings.” - Rock Bottom I’m not sure when it happened, but at some point the MNF game became the week’s garbage game. It used to be the Thursday night game, but now MNF has become that game you have on in the background while you do literally anything else with your night. The exception to this, of course, is if your fantasy game or season hangs in the balance. While there is nothing more relaxing than listening to Jon Gruden hyperbolize the skill level of every player who flinches correctly on a Monday when your team has already won, there is nothing more stressful than watching your opponent slowly creep back into your matchup while Jon Gruden says something along the lines of: “I love this guy Joe Mantasy. You know what I like to call him? Joe Fantasy. You know why? Because here’s a guy who you would NOT want to be facing in fantasy this week if your name is ma ma momma said. HA! You know what my momma said? She said Jon, you’re going to be on TV someday. And you know? She was right! Gosh, there’s a mom who knows what’s what. She understood the game plan, she came in and she executed. Grit, determination, and guts. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, Joey Mantasy. Stellar athlete, all-time great competitor, fuck you Jared and uh, okay that’s the two minute warning. Back after this.” Last note: Treadwell, drafted by ma ma momma said in the 15th round, finally caught the first pass of his career on Sunday. Oddly enough, it came after Sam Bradford caught the first pass of HIS career. MATCHUP OF THE WEEK - Rocky vs. The Russian Part II After a couple weeks of tantalizing matchups, week 10 might be in the eye of the storm. There is at least a four game seperation in the standings between every matchup except Deez Sons of Bitchez (7th) and ma ma momma said (10th). The last time RIPDab (5th) and The Shotti Bunch (1st) played one another, RIP had a shot at a bye spot having won four of their last five. Just two weeks later they are fighting for their fantasy life having lost three of their last four. Shotti is a 62% favorite, a significant increase over week 8. Shotti put up the best score last week without his core guys and now he has his core guys back, so what does this mean for RIP? Really, this game has huge implications for everyone. A loss by RIP opens the door for the bubble teams to climb up one or two spots and eliminates Dab from bye contention (provided GBM also wins). A win by RIP reopens a door to the byes for Paddock 9 and MVP and gives RIP a very small path to the 1 or 2 seed. RIP has opted to stick with the Prescott/Elliot tandem that gave GBM nightmares a week ago, while swapping out Atlanta D for their SEVENTH defense: Houston. The Shotti Bunch, who leads the league in defensive points scored, gets back Arizona off their bye. Brady, who rarely performs poorly after HIS bye week, has a very important rematch against the Seahawks on Sunday night. The problem point for Shotti will be the health of Maclin. If he is to miss the game against Carolina, who will be subbed in?